50 ways to annoy a god, goddess, and their kids
by nameless imperfections
Summary: WARNING, DEATH, OR SOMETHING FAR WORSE MAY OCCUR IF ACTIONS ARE COPIED. Do not mirror. You have been warned.
1. VICTIM 1: Hermes

**50 ways to annoy a god, goddess and their kids. **  
_...by nameless imperfections._

* * *

**# 01. **  
_While being 'claimed' by a God or Goddess, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet._

* * *

Kaleigh Roberts did not like Camp Half-Blood, nor did she like for the campers. In fact, she hated everyone at the camp, starting with that Chiron, whom she dubbed, Sir Horse-ass, and of course the important and oh-so looked up to Percy (Pansy, seeing as she found his name rather fruity), Annabeth (Annabarf, she didn't know why, but she disliked her greatly), Grover (...she hadn't quite thought of a name for him yet, but she would...eventually) and Thalia (Count Olaf, she didn't know why, but the girl reminded her of the well-know villain of the Series of Unfortunate Event series).

She even doubt anyone noted of her existence, if they did they would refer to her as 'that quiet emo/goth check always reading Stephen Books' which of course didn't bothered her.

Well, if you count creating a list of pranks and ways to 'jokingly' torture the Gods and their children as revenge a way to cope the thing that 'wasn't bothering her'.

But in her eyes, they deserved it, she hadn't asked to come here, she'd much rather stay home in her Gothic bedroom reading Stephen King books all day, but _noooo_, she had to be here.

And she wasn't even welcomed here. She doubted even Sir Horse-ass knew of her existence-and it was his job to! So after long hours of contemplating, she decided that she would unleash her wrath after being claimed, she of course did want not to anger her father...

That is, if EVER got claimed.

* * *

0,o

* * *

Hermes was a very busy man. Frankly, he no time to be claiming his children, but this one child...she was just a riot! He looked over her list of plans to 'jokingly' torture the Gods, and their kids...and couldn't help but laugh.

It was the funniest thing he'd seen since...since...a while. And that's saying something seeing as he's a God.

"Okay," he decided. "I'm going to claim this child."

Now when a God claims their child, it wasn't something special. Well, to the God claiming the child, anyway. The process was pretty simple, a little window thingamabob appears and you could see your child while you claimed them.

Hermes could see his child, Kaleigh, touching her forehead in shock.

He smiled."That's right, you're _my_ child."

_GAG,_ George hissed.

Hermes then frowned, but not because of Geogre's outburst. "What...what the Hades are you doing?" He blinked a few times making sure what he saw was correct.

"Stop that..." he trailed watching his daughter bob her head idiotically. "Hey...stop that. What the Hades are you doing? Stop!"

But she continued as the Hermes sign slowly appeared on her forehead.

"STOP BOBBING YOUR HEAD!" Hermes screamed.

(uh-oh.)

* * *

-,-'

* * *

Kaleigh was now currently twitching violently. "Aaagh..." she broke off after that.

Some of the Hermes kids coming back from a game of Capture the Flag (the very same game Kaleigh ditched) saw her. "Um, is she having a seizure?" One wondered aloud.

"..."

"Yeah, she is."

Kaleigh's face was now turning a lovely shade of purple.

"Um, she's dying, I think." Another said.

"And who cares?" One sighed, "It's been a long day, and I feel like a total loser...I mean we lost to a team that was practically composed of the Aphrodite kids!"

"What if she's good at Capture the Flag?"

"Hmm..."

"I say we drop her off at a Chiron's office."

"Agreed."

* * *

**Review? :) **


	2. VICTIM 2: Aphrodite's kids

**50 ways to annoy a god, goddess and their kids. **  
_...by nameless imperfections._

* * *

**# 02. **  
_Tell the Aphrodite kids that they don't look very promising. Bonus points for insulting them. _

* * *

Kaleigh didn't like to be hospitalized. Then again, it was much better than being in a cabin with the Hermes (a cabin she was already placed in earlier) and having them look and her and say, "YOU got claimed by Hermes? You don't even have the ears!"

_Not my fault I don't look like an elf...and it's not my fault I'm not a CRAZY kleptomaniac _(she stole, but not _all _the time.)

With a sigh, she got off her bed and wandered around. She'd return back there later claiming that she her throat was burning to stay there or something. It wasn't as if they cared, anyway.

Kaleigh grinned once she was outside. She'd lost (actually, it was stolen) her last list, but she always kept the first copy she made in her pocket. Pulling it out, she regarded it.

_Idea # 02: Tell the Aphrodite kids that they don't look very promising. Bonus points for insulting them._

If someone was paying attention to her, they'd swear she was Chesire the Cat. Soon she set off to the Volley-ball courts.

_I was nearly choked by my own father, in a way no one understands. What else do I have to lose? _She thought appoarching her victims. Just in case, she'd placed some Gold Drachmas in her pocket.

"Hi there!" She cried happily. "I'm a human being! What are you?"

The meagre group of Aphrodite kids not playing Volley-ball gave her a blank stare. "Uh, who are you?"

"A human being," Kaleigh repeated. "_What _are you?"

"Demi-gods, duh," One sneered. "Your dad must have killed some major brain cells when he suffocated you."

They erupted in giggles.

"I'd call you an idiot too, but calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people," she chirped.

"Laaame~!" One cried, "Where didja hear that from? TV shows from the 80's? You probably base you taste in clothing from that time too, huh?"

"I least I can breath in what I wear," Kaleigh said. She was smiling so much her face hurt. "You guys should slip into something more comfortable...like a coma."

"At least _we're _stylish!" One fumed. "Why are you, like, even here?"

"Well, I heard the Aphrodite kids were beautiful, like their mom. You guys don't look very promising." She noted.

"Can you leave?" One sighed, exasperated. "Maybe to someplace where you can lose weight? Like Lifetime Fitness."

"Yeah, well who cares if I'm chubby." She stated. "At least _I _can lose the weight. Once unattractive, always unattractive. Plus, plastic surgery isn't cheap and it has one heck of a side-effect in the long run."

* * *

:3

* * *

Aphrodite was fuming with anger. How dare that girl insult her beautiful children!

_Calm down, Aphrodite. Calm down. Looking angry is the same as looking ugly._

"Hermes," she said calmly. "Have you seen what your daughter have been doing lately?"

He shrugged, his eyes on his phone. "Busy. Talk later."

She plucked his phone from him. "No, let's talk _now_."

Hermes nearly did a double-take when she did, but it wasn't because she took his phone. It was because she looked very, very similar to Ares when _he_ was angry.

After explaining the situation, Hermes agreed that what his daughter was doing was wrong, but it was rather funny.

"No, it's not!" Aphrodite exclaimed. "What if she convinces them that they are ugly? That will lead to anorexia and who knows what else! She has to be punished"

"Fine," Hermes agreed. "Just don't kill her."

* * *

XO

* * *

"...and you know what they say," Kaleigh giggled, "Beauty is in the eye of the _beer _holder...ACK!"

Kaleigh fell to the ground clutching her heart. "...I-I think I'm having a heart attack...ugh...help!"

But the Aphrodite kids were too busy staring at themselves in the mirror searching for non-existent facial flaws.

* * *

0_0''

* * *

"Aphrodite, I told you_ not _to kill her!" Hermes cried.

"Relax," Aphrodite said with a smile. "She wont die or anything. She may be traumatized and shocked to silence, but she wont die."

* * *

**Review? :) **


	3. VICTIM 3: Chiron

**50 ways to annoy a god, goddess and their kids. **  
_...by nameless imperfections._

* * *

**# 03. **  
_Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.  
_

* * *

_My life is becoming a sick routine, _Kaleigh thought with a moan. She clutched her heart. _Meh, oh well. _

Ensuring she had some Gold Drachmas in her pocket, she headed to her door. You'd think after having her hospitalized for the second time by a God they'd make sure she'd stay in bed or something...but sadly nobody really cared for Kaleigh. She in fact had to drag herself to Chiron, who of course had never seen her in his life.

How sad.

"Hurry!" Chiron cried hurriedly, slamming the door open...which hit Kaleigh's face. "Please move, this camper is injured!"

"Ow," Kaleigh moaned, rubbing her face.

"Is she going to be okay?" Percy asked, his voice surprisingly quiet.

"Yes," Chiron assured him, placing a blond girl on Kaleigh's bed. "She'll be okay, she'll just need some rest."

_Oh, I heard about this, _Kaleigh thought, _that chick had to hold the heavens or something. Whoo-dee-doo. _

With a sigh, she got up.

"Young lady," Chiron said sternly, "what do you think you're doing here? This isn't a play place."

_Oh my god. Is this guy serious? _

"I'm aware," Kaleigh said flatly, detaching a few wires taped to her left arm. "I'm on my out."

"Do not walk away from me," he said. "What do you think you're doing here?"

"Chiron I think she was being treated..." Percy trailed.

"I was told this room was vacant though," Chiron replied thoughtfully.

Kaleigh pulled out her list as they discussed why she would be in this room. _Eh, _Kaleigh thought, _he's not a God's kid...but I'll make an exception this once. _

"What's your name?" Chiron asked politely.

"No."

Chiron frowned. "Pardon?"

"No."

"Your name is No?" Percy asked stupidly.

"_No_. My name is not No, what's your name?"

"Percy."

"No, it's not."

"Yeah, it is."

"NO IT ISN'T," she pointed a finger a Chiron. "AND YOUR NAME ISN'T CHIRON!"

"Yes, it is actually, the name is from—"

Kaleigh crossed her arms over her chest. "No, it's not from that language, whatever that language is. And Chiron isn't your name."

"Then what _is _his name?" Percy asked.

"Horse-butt."

Chiron's eye twitched a little at that comment. _"What?" _

Notice he didn't say "pardon."

"I said," Kaleigh drawled, "YOUR NAME IS HORSE-BUTT, HORSE-BUTT."

"Young lady, did you just—"

"No I didn't."

"But you—"

"Nope."

"But I _heard_ you—"

"Oh, please."

Chiron was twitching violently now. He could have been mistake for Kaleigh during her Hermes episode.

"Listen—"

"NO, I WONT LISTEN YOU, FATTY POO!" Kaleigh screeched. "BECAUSE 'LISTEN' ISN'T A REAL WORD!"

"Yeah, it actually is..." Percy trailed.

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW, DYSLEXIA BOY?"

"YOU HAVE IT TOO!"

"NO, I DON'T"

"YEAH, YOU DO. UNLESS YOU'RE NOT A DEMI-GOD!"

"GO SUCK A DOG!"

"WHAT THE HECK?"

"SILENCE!"

"THAT ISN'T A REAL WORD, EITHER! YOU HORSE-BUMSCICLE!"

There was a silence after Kaleigh uttered that.

"Chiron..." Percy trailed, an unsettling feeling passing through him. "What are you—oh my gosh! Put your hooves down!"

* * *

}:O

* * *

"Peter," Mr. D said quietly.

"Yeah." Percy replied, not even correcting Mr. D.

"Did Chiron..." he paused, looking at the scene again. "Did Chiron..._attack _that girl?"

"No, he stepped on her a few times."

"N-no...he didn't..." Kaleigh moaned.

"Hmm, okay. I think I'll go get some lunch. Give her something to treat that nasty broken arm...and leg...and other leg...and fingers...and ankle...and, ah, just give her a full body cast, or something."

**

* * *

**

**Review? :D **


	4. VICTIM 4: Annabeth

**50 ways to annoy a god, goddess and their kids. **  
_...by nameless imperfections._

* * *

**# 04. **  
_Whenever someone tells you something, always respond with a question. The randomer, the better.  
_

* * *

_Well now, today is different, _Kaleigh thought flexing her fingers that were broken a few days ago._ I didn't get attack by a God...but a Titan's kid, instead. HUH. _

_Creeaaak._

She frowned at the sight of Chiron, Mr. D, Annabeth, and Percy. She was also wondering why'd the heck Percy and Annabeth were there, she doubted they even knew her name. She doubted anyone here did.

"Hello," she said happily.

"Ehm," Mr. D coughed, thrusting Chiron forward.

"I would like to apologize," Chiron managed, embarrassment on his face. "I wasn't feeling myself..."

She smiled and nodded her head. "Great. Um, is Ireland made of ice?"

He frowned. "...excuse me?"

"Ireland, it's made of ice, right?"

"No...Ireland isn't made of ice," Annabeth said.

"Hey, you're blond. Are you stupid?"

She narrowed her eyes. "What?"

"Are you related to me?"

"I don't get why you're asking me that."

Kaleigh snorted. "Because you're crazy. So, are you?"

Annabeth sighed. "Just because you're crazy, and I'm crazy, does not mean we're both related." She paused, realizing what she just said. "Wait. I'm _not _crazy!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really."

"Wanna bet?"

"No."

"Yes?"

"What?"

"Who?"

"Huh?"

"Where?"

"...what are you _saying_!"

"I don't know. Are you fat?"

Annabeth walked toward the door's frame, slamming her head to it continuously.

"Ah," Mr. D murmured, "if she can drive the daughter of Athena to slam her head on a door frame after a mere 1 minute conversation...then she could... Hhmm...c'mon now, girl, let's go see my father!"

* * *

:S

* * *

The Gods watched wide-eye as Annabeth, daughter of Athena, continued to slam her head on the door frame.

"Hmm..." Apollo muttered. "That girl...she managed to anger, Aphrodite, Hermes, Chiron and now she's nearly driven Athena's kid insane?"

"She's has not been nearly driven insane," Athena argued.

"Oh, really?" Apollo said.

"Yes, really."

"Enough!" Hera cried, "Apollo, stop sinking to that Demi-god's level."

Zeus narrowed his eyes. "She must be stopped."

"Shall we strike now before she causes anymore harm?" Atermis asked.

Hermes frowned. "Hey, she's my kid. I don't want her dead now."

"But look at what she's doing!" Athena argued, "if we allow her to live any longer every Demi-God out there will most likely be driven insane!"

"Like your daughter," Apollo added.

"No, not like my daughter!"

"Oh, really?"

"SILENCE," Zeus cried. "Hermes, this is your child, handle her."

"Fine," he sighed, defeated. "Just go on with the first plan..."

"We shall," Hera said, "but in a discrete method. We do not want to frighten the other Demi-Gods, or cause anything problems there."

"Very well," Zeus agreed. Then, Zeus proceeded in saying an ancient chant to kill a Demi-God...the only issues being that if he were complete it, he'd need the Demi-God's full name.

"...what is her name!" Zeus cried. "Hermes, what is her name?"

"I-I don't know!" He replied.

"How can you not know your own child's name!"

"I don't know! There's too many of them!" He cried. "Okay. Wait. Let me think for a second...it's Katie Roberto! Yeah."

Athena raised a brow. "Are you sure?"

He shrugged. "I guess."

* * *

^o^

* * *

It was a sad day in Virginia Fairfax, poor Katie Roberto (a girl who oddly looked exactly like Kaleigh Roberts) had passed on. Her family mourning and praying for her, looked at her tombstone that said:

'I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK!' - Katie Roberto, 1993-2010.

"You see that, Frank?" Her mother sobbed, "She even had a tombstone prepared!"

"I know, dear. I know."

* * *

**A/N: **Let's pretend that in a MAGICAL world, in order for a God to kill you, they need to know your name and face. Yes, I am going so Death Note on this, but SHHH! Ugh. I feel this one has been the weirdest and retradest chappie of them all. :/

Also, one epically huge **MERCI** (yes, the bolding and underlining of MERCI is needed) to those who fav'ed this, reviewed this, and author alerted this. You brought a large unwanted smile on my face for, like, a full minute. Maybe more. I hate you all. My mouth hurts. Haha...I kid. But seriously, my mouth hurts.:(

**THANKS AGAIN! :) **


	5. VICTIM 5: Percy

**50 ways to annoy a god, goddess and their kids. **  
_...by nameless imperfections._

* * *

**# 05. **  
_Photoshop Percy's face...to make him look like a girl.  
_

* * *

Kaleigh grinned happily, tapping away one a white Mac Book. One she may have stolen, but that isn't important.

She was currently on photoshop distorting, or 'fixing' as she put it, a picture of a certain someone. "I'm DONE!" She exclaimed. "Oh, this is really a masterpiece!"

"Hey...uh..." Percy trailed wanting a name, but Kaleigh didn't provide one. He was bringing her lunch which was a miracle seeing as for the past few weeks Kaleigh had been in the infirmary at Camp Half Blood, she'd been the one having to get her own lunch. "Katie, is it?"

When she didn't reply, he stared at her Mac Book's screen. "What are you doing?"

"OH, YOU!" She cried as if she hadn't heard him. She had, but pretended not to. "Look, I made you look like a girl! Aren't you pretty?"

Percy blinked, peering closer to see that he was in fact a girl on her laptop. "What the Hades did you do to me!"

"What?" She said innocently, "I made you look better. 'Cause, well, your face is annoying, Paulie. So I decided to make it look better and now it does!"

He gave Kaleigh (or "Katie" as many thought she was called) a blank stare. "I'm a _girl _in that picture."

She nodded. "Yeah. So?"

He sighed. "Do you need glasses or something? I'm a guy in real life, Katie. And my name is Percy, not Paulie."

_Well my name is KALEIGH, oh, retarded one. _

So?" She repeated.

He frowned. "My point is, I don't get why you made me into a girl. Why would_ anyone_ do that?"

"…your point?" She asked.

He sighed. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" She exclaimed. "YOUR DAD HAD A HALF FISH BABY! AND HE HAD A HORSE-CHILD _WITH _HIS SISTER! WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?"

He frowned. "MY DAD IS PERFECTLY FINE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. AT LEAST HE DIDN'T MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A_ GIRL._"

"HEY, HE HAS A _HORSE-CHILD_, THAT SCREAMS INSANITY!"

"YOU'RE INSANE FOR MAKING ME A GIRL, HOW DID YOU EVEN DO THAT?"

"PHOTOSHOP!"

"WHAT THE HADES IS THAT? IT'S SOUND SO STUPID!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAA! BUT PHOTOSHOPPING IS AWESOME, AND I CAN DO MAGICAL STUFF WITH IT!"

"HOW THE HADES IS _THIS _MAGICAL?" He pointed a finger at his image. "YOU'RE TURNING GUYS INTO GIRLS!"

"...no, just you." She admitted. "I made Annabeth into an orange. See?"

"ARGH!"

* * *

:$

* * *

"So her name _IS_ Katie!" Hermes exclaimed. "...it's just her last name we need."

"But what is it?" Athena asked. "No one seems to know it...why is that?"

Zeus frowned. "Perhaps...perhaps we should be strike her with lighting instead."

All eyes were on the sometimes-pacifist Hera.

"Fine," she agreed. "Just don't injure any other campers."

"Excellent."

* * *

:/

* * *

_ZAP! _

"Oh my gods! Lighting just struck the infirmary!" Grover cried.

"Percy was in there!" Annabeth exclaimed.

"Hurry, let's go see if he's okay." Chiron suggested.

When they arrived to the scene, all they saw was a red-faced Percy who was staring angrily at a computer screen, and that goth-girl-who-reads-too-much-Stephen King-novels brunt to a crisp.

But she _wasn't dead. _

She looked crispy and finger-licking good to cannibals, yes, but she wasn't dead...or even remotely injured.

The reason being for her still being alive is because weird obsession with wearing Rubber Converse.

Thunder roared after a few seconds, but instead of the usual, BOOM, it sounded more like, "DAMMIT!"

* * *

**Note: **Yeah, yeah. No one survives Zeus' bolts, BUT BLAH. He's never seen the power of Rubber Converse! ...I'm such a dork. I'll shut up now. Please don't kill me. Thank you for reading.

**Spare a review, chap? :) **


	6. VICTIM 6: Artemis

**50 ways to annoy a god, goddess and their kids. **  
_...by nameless imperfections._

* * *

**# 06. **  
_Replace Artemis' clothing with bright orange jumpsuits.  
_

* * *

There were many things about her life Kaleigh wasn't so happy with. Her horrible apartment, for starters, and the general feeling of disgust towards her for another. She constantly wished that she was smarter (well, not, smarter. She was a certified genuis, thanks very much), stronger, more outgoing, prettier more popular.

Oh, and a couple of parents might be nice too. Hermes of course, didn't count.

However, she couldn't help but think of this singular moment in her life as possibly the worst.

"Since Katie here is our new camper, we'll play the name game as a little introduction for her." Chiron said. "You've all played this among mortals, correct?"

Everyone nodded.

"Excellent, please form a circle."

"Wait," Kaleigh said. "Is this that name game where you say your name and an animal that starts with the first letter of your name?"

Chiron nodded. "Yes..."

"Oh, so the last person has to memorize, like, all the names and animals...right?" Kaleigh said.

"Correct." He said.

She looked at him, then the large group of campers. "Bye."

"Katie, I demand you return!" He cried.

"Oh, let's just start already," Annabeth sighed.

"But isn't the purpose of the game to let Katie—"

"START!"

All eyes was on Grover. "uh...Grover the...uh...goat."

The girl next to him continued on. "Um...he's...Grover the goat...and I'm...Silena the...snake?"

It was Annabeth's turn. "Annabeth the Fox."

"That isn't—"

"Yes, yes it is."

"No, Annabeth—"

"SHUT UP PERCY, IT DOES. So just _sit _there in your wrongness and _shut up_!"

The Stoll twins looked at one another before getting up and following the direction that Kaleigh had left from.

* * *

:S

* * *

"AH!" Kaleigh screamed. "What the hell?"

"I think you mean, what the Hades," Travis said helpfully.

"What do you want? I'm in the midst of—"

"Stealing all of Lady Atermis' clothing and replacing it with some bright orange jumpsuits, right?" Connor said.

Kaleigh blinked, then her eyes narrowed. "Gimme my list."

"Oh, we will," Travis assured. "If you let us join you in your little array of pranks on everyone."

Kaleigh blinked. "...why?"

"Because you're becoming a legend, Katie!" Connor cried. "You're, like, bigger than us! And that's saying something seeing as it is us."

Kaleigh frowned. "Legend my ass, my name isn't even KATIE!" She stompted her foot on the ground. "_FUPLE_!"

The twins blinked. "What does 'fuple' mean?"

"Oh, that's just my replacement word for the F word," she explained. "You know, fuple you! Fuple your family! FUPLE THE FUPLING GODS!"

"Oh...I see." Travis trailed. "So about the—"

"Yeah sure, after I finish doing this." Kaleigh said. "Go back to the Camp and I'll let you help me with the rest of my list."

"Cool!" The cried, disappearing.

"Annyoing fuples..." Kaleigh muttered.

Creeeaaaak.

The door opened revealing a very, very, angry Artemis, holding a very, very, dangerous looking bow and arrow.

"Oh,_ fuple_ no."

* * *

:#

* * *

"PLEASE DON'T KILL ME." Kaleigh screeched, waving her arms around everywhere. "Or, like, turn me into something."

Artemis raised a brow. "And why not?"

"I...uh...am a virgin?" She tried. "And I plan to stay a virgin too?"

That got her attention, Artemis lowered her bow. "How do I know you will keep your word?"

"I'm flat chested, I have mousy-brown hair, I'm annoying, I'm a kleptomaniac, and no one knows I exist." She admitted. "Do _I_ really look like someone who can get laid?

"Good point." Artemis sighed, walking away. She stopped and turned around. "Oh, please return all my clothing before I change my mind. And leave 2 jumpsuits behind, the colour does wonders to my complexion."

Blinking, Kaleigh nodded.

_What the fuple? _

* * *

Please don't kill me. :'( I KNOW Artemis is too bad-ass to _not_ kill a virgin 'specially Kaleigh of all virgins...but, um, it's...er. FUPLE THIS YO. It's my fupling story for fuple's sake. Let's leave it that. HAHA. I abuse that word too much. :)

OHMYFUPLINGGODS. Yesterday was my little bro's birthday. Why the fuple am I remembering this now? Eh. HAPPY FUPLING B-DAY LITTLE BRO :) ...I should get him something.

**...er...review? :) **


	7. VICTIM 7: Grover?

**50 ways to annoy a god, goddess and their kids. **  
_...by nameless imperfections._

* * *

**# 07. **  
_...?  
_

* * *

"Oh my gods!" A girl cried. "Guess what? That weird new goth chick is hanging out with the Stoll brothers!"

"Oh no!" Another cried. "Poor Katie. She _totally_ had Connor on lock, what a bitch!"

"I know," the girl agreed. "Let's go tell Katie!"

Kaleigh blinked at the two girls running off to 'Katie'...whoever she was, then turned and walked off to where most of the campers resided. It was time for Kaleigh to do something productive!

She sighed poking Travis' and Connor's head with her foot. "Hey, let's go."

"Now?" Connor complained.

"Yes now," she muttered. "I want to get this crap over with before your girlfriend and friends come and try to do the whole 'oh my gawd, you bitch, you stole my boyfriend!' thing ugh. I can't handle that crap."

But sadly, IT WAS TOO LATE.

* * *

:U

* * *

Kaleigh was JUST about to approach Grover and (hopefully) drive him insane...until...

"Hi!" A girl said. "Do you want some candy?"

_No, you're not my victim! Fuple you bootch! _

"No thanks."

"Why not?" The girl asked, tearing up. "I knew it! Katie hates me!"

_WHAT THE FUPLE IS UP WITH EVERYONE CALLING ME KATIE? _

"…I didn't mean that…"

"Oh," The girl said, brightening up immediately. "So, do you want some Candy?"

"…You change moods too often, you know that?"

She looked at her innocently. "Is it bad?"

"…Yes," Kaleigh replied.

"Want some Candy?"

"I have a feeling you're out to, like, kill me or something," Kaleigh said. "I don't want Candy, I hate Candy."

The girl looked at Kaleigh with shock. "How could you hate it? EVERYONE in the world loves it!"

"Not me," Kaleigh sighed.

"If you don't eat this Candy I'll take your teddy bear and stab it's eyes out with scissors," the girl threatened with a large smile on her face.

"…Your moods really change too much and _no_, I do _not_ have a teddy bear. Jeez, is this the threat that you've been using on everyone else lately?"

"I'll steal your hair extensions."

"I don't use hair extensions. Do I look like a person who would? Wait. Don't answer that."

"I'll destroy your photos."

"I didn't take any. Do I look photogenic? Don't answer that either."

"I'll spread glitter all over the place!"

"Have you ever heard of a vacuum before?"

"I'll stab you."

"...fine! I'll have a fupling piece of Candy, you creepy bootch!"

"Yay!"

So, Kaleigh took a bite of the Candy...

...and immediately spit it out. It tasted so bad that she rushed to the nearest garbage can to puke. When she couldn't find one she settled for Grover's head.

Oh, _ew. _

Eh, at least she bothered him. Even if it was disgusting and caused a chain-reaction of puking.

_Ugh. _Kaleigh thought wiping her mouth. _What an unproductive day. _

* * *

0h yeah. Bootch = Bitch, btw. :)

**Review.**

(or I'll stab you...hee hee. Kidding. I'm not that crazy girl who will soon have a name.)

**But yeah. The reason why this one doesn't have a title is because Kaleigh, well, she didn't really do much. Eh. **


	8. VICTIM 8: Katie

**50 ways to annoy a god, goddess and their kids. **  
_...by nameless imperfections._

* * *

**# 08. **  
_Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."  
_

* * *

Today was a special day at Camp Half-Blood, the reason being that they were getting their first over-seas camper. She was from Taiwan, which of course made Chiron suggest that they do the name-game they did last week to get know one another.

"So," Chiron began. "We will go clockwise. Katie - oh not you Katie, the Katie who is always injured - will start, and the person next to her will go after her, and so on. You have to say your name, and a animal that starts with the same letter as the first letter of your name."

"Wait," Kaleigh said. "Doesn't that mean the last person has to memorize the most names and animals? In accordance with the prophecy."

"Yes...and what? What prophecy?" Chiron asked.

"But that's like...not fair. It's stupid, in accordance with the prophecy."

"Why are you complaining?" Grover asked. "I think I'm the last one, you know."

"Hmph."

"Shall we start?" He asked, a little confused with what Kaleigh had said. Was she too a child of the prophecy?

Kaleigh sighed. "This is stupid...in accordance with the prophecy"

"Kaleigh, please start."

"..Kaleigh...the...uh..Kangaroo? In accordance with the prophecy."

"Kaleigh are you-"

The girl next to her continued on, cutting Chiron off. "Um...she's...Kaleigh the Kangaroo..and I'm...Lynne...the Leech?"

The game continued with a few more students before it was...some random girl's turn.

"I am Madam Loraine the mouse," she said proudly. Yes, she was talking in third person. And yes, she was partially insane after chatting with Kaleigh. Or perhaps she was always this crazy. We may never know.

"Um..you have to say the others' names first," Chiron said.

"And 'mouse' doesn't start with an 'l'," Grover stated.

Everyone laughed. Loraine glared at all of them.

"I AM GOD. So, therefore, MOUSE DOES TOO START WITH AN L!"

"...you're not a God, are you even a Half-Blood?"

Loraine twitched. But just a little.

The girl next to Loraine, the Taiwanese girl, pointed at Kaleigh. "Um...you are that thing that's like...HIM! YOU ARE HIM!" She pointed at Chiron.

Chiron twitched. "I'm not a Kangaroo."

The girl was silent. She pointed at Loraine. "You are the really...uh...rat-thing...I think."

"HOW DARE YOU CALL MADAM LORAINE A MOUSE!"

"BUT YOU ARE ONE! In accordance with the prophecy!"

"What prophecy do you speak of?" Chiron cried. "And Loraine, that girl is from Taiwan. Please, don't yell at her, she doesn't speak much English."

Loraine pointed at the girl. "Madam Loraine demands you take English lessons!"

The girl suddenly yelped out, her finger pointed at Grover. "YOU ARE MONSTER! OH YES!"

Grover was mentally crying to himself. Why, oh why did he have to play this pointless name game?

Kaleigh smiled and pointed at Percy. "I KNOW! YOU'RE A PERCY THE PEDOPHILE, in accordance with the prophecy!"

"THAT'S NOT EVEN AN ANIMAL, AND WHAT PROPHECY?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. In accordance with the prophecy"

"OH!" Loraine shouted. "HEY, LOOK I SEE-" she broke off and fell on the floor, knocked out. Behind her to could see Katie (not Kaleigh) holding a stick.

_"SHUT UP!" _She huffed. "GOD! YOU PEOPLE ARE _ALL _INSANE! HOW CAN YOU ACT SO CALM WITH THESE CRAZIES SPROUTING NONSENSE?"

"What the heck?"

"..."

"YOU'RE KATIE THE KILLER!" Kaleigh pointed at Katie. " In accordance with the prophecy."

Percy groaned. "What else could go wrong?"

"HORSE-ASS-MAN!" Kaleigh cried. "HELP ME! KATIE THE KILLER IS GOING TO KILL ME! In accordance with the prophecy..."

"OH NO! CHIRON - put your hooves down! _ARGH, NOT AGAIN_!"

* * *

Eeeeh. I haven't updated in three-billion-years and this chappy was crappy and random and crappy...sorry, guys. :/ BUUUT, THIS STORY HAS HIT 100 REVIEWS! EEEK! I'm so happy! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, fav'ed and alert'ed this! You're all awesome! :)

**Review? **


	9. VICTIM 9: Hades

**50 ways to annoy a god, goddess and their kids. **  
_...by nameless imperfections._

* * *

**# 09. **  
___Screw over Hades' son as much as you can before him._

* * *

Kaleigh frowned

"Bricks are _so _boring!" Nico complained. "Let's play mythomagic!"

Sadly, the child hadn't become insane after interacting with Kaleigh which was quite surprising.

Somewhere in the underworld, Hades smiled.

"Actually," Kaleigh clarified. "They _can_ be fun. Lots of fun, actually. Right, Travis?"

Said boy nodded. "_Totally. _Right, Connor?"

His twin snorted. "Are you kidding me! Bricks are, like, _fucking yourself_! But not literately 'cause...that's gross, but oddly very fun."

Nico cocked his head to the side. He blinked. "What's fucking yourself mean...?"

"OH FUPLE!" Kaleigh shrieked, smacking Connor in the back of the head. STUPID CONNOR! "It's...uh...what you say when you're having loads and loads of fun!"

He made a quick mental note to remember that word for future reference. "Oh...oh...okay."

"Anyway, let's play!"

Somewhere in the underworld, Hades frowned.

_HIS POOR SON! _

* * *

*:O

* * *

"This is called truth or brick." Kaleigh explained. Somehow, she ended getting Grover, Annabeth, Clarisse, Percy and Grover to play the game along with them. "You either tell the truth or get bricked."

Everyone paled. Well, everyone except Nico, Kaleigh, Connor and Travis.

"Cool!" Nico cried.

Ah, how cute. Kaleigh almost felt sorry for the boy. Keyword being _almost. _

"Okay, Percy." Kaleigh said. "You go."

He shrugged. He was pretty truthful, so why not?

"Is it true you like Annabeth?"

He snorted. "Of course I like Annabeth. She's one of my best friends—"

Kaleigh smacked the red brick down on Percy's head. _"BRICK!" _

All was silence.

"Okay. Percy might be dead," Connor announced. "Annabeth, you go."

"Um….oh…okay."

"Is it true you still harbour feelings for Luke?"

She gasped. "Of course not!"

"_BRICK!" _

Nico clapped his had together excitedly. "Hah. This is fun!"

Kaleigh grinned. "See? Okay, let's see Clarisse you go—OI, CLARISSE! WHERE'D YOU GO! Ah, forget her. Grover, you go."

"I…I don't want to..."

"GO!"

"Okay!"

"Is is true that…you…wish you had Percy's life and weren't, like, a total chicken?"

"N-no, why would I?"

"_BRICK!" _

"Nico, your turn."

"Cool!"

"Um…well…hm…I got nothing. Travis?"

"Same. How 'bout you Connor? Got anything? "

"Hey, Nico do you hate your sister?"

"No I—"

"_BRICK!" _

"Haha!"

"What the heck…? He's not knocked out! Or bleeding!"

"_BRICK!"_

"Hee hee."

"_BRICK!"_

"Heh."

"_BRICK, BRICK, BRICK, BRICK_—_DIE! DIE! DIE! _DIE ALREADY!"

"Yaawn. This isn't' fun anymore. Got any more games?"

Hades frowned. Those kids…_they were beating his child! _

And failing spectacularly as they did so.

* * *

:O

* * *

"The rules of brick tag are simple: if you get hit by the brick, you're "it." We can also play brick freeze-tag, but it is not recommended since a game involving blunt-force trauma to the head doesn't really need to be complicated by not being able to tell if your friends are dead or just not "unfrozen" yet" Kaleigh explained.

"So, who's playing?" Nico asked.

"EVERYONE!" Connor declared.

Hades snorted. He couldn't lie, it was pretty amusing watching the _other_ god's children running for their lives. He frowned when he saw Nico become "it."

* * *

:S

* * *

"Okay, so in this game, we are to fuck the brick up as much as possible. Hit it with a stick, stab it with a sword, set it on fire - the goal is to inflict maximal harm on the brick!" Kaleigh explained.

They all backed away when they noticed Nico get a little too _into_ the game.

Hades smiled. His son was showing his sadistically side! How…how…_wonderful! _

He still didn't forgive those children, though.

* * *

D':

* * *

"Duck…" Travis passed a paling Silena. "Duck…" he passed a passed-out Clarisse. "Duck…" he passed a hair-chewing Annabeth. "Duck…" he passed a mentally broken down Percy. "Duck…" he stopped at a smiling Nico. "BRICK!—Dang, Nico. Do you have a plate in your head or something?"

Said boy merely blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"I just hit you in the head with a brick. Correction, I hit you in the head with a brick using a lot of force." Travis said. "You should be on the floor knocked out or something. Gods, you fail at getting injured."

He smiled. "Well, it didn't hurt."

Everyone backed away from Nico.

Hades was fuming. This was _the_ last straw. HOW DARE _THEY_ MAKE HIS SON ANTI-SOCIAL AND ISOLATED FROM SOCIETY BEFORE _HE _COULD?

They would pay. Those insolent little fools would pay!

* * *

:S

* * *

"Nico," Chiron said staring at the boy with much interest. Lately he'd been hearing rumours about his campers being attacked with bricks. How absurd! But just to be safe…"What exactly were you doing with those bricks?"

Nico smiled, it was time to put his new-found vocabulary to work! "Well, Katie and the Stoll brothers gave them to me and taught me these awesome games and then next thing I knew, I was fucking myself!"

Just as Nico uttered that, Hades released a hellhound in Kaleigh's room.

* * *

I really hope I phrased that right. Siigh.

***THIS CHAPTER TAKES PLACE BEFORE NICO BECAME SEXY, GUYS! Just letting you know. :) **

***THIS WAS ALSO INSPIRED BY 3OH!3's MY FIRST KISS. DON'T ASK ME WHY, IT JUST WAS! **

Bricks are just EPIC.

Seriously.

Anyway, I have optional orientation _this Thursday_, and my school starts the 7th of Sept _AND WHY HAVEN'T I BOUGHT SUPPLIES YET, MOM_?

Eeek. I'm so screwed. I HATE YOU HIGH SCHOOL!

ALSO! This is totally a I'm-not-dead-but-school-is-going-to-kill-me-so-before-I-become-a-mole-person-enjoy-this-and-don't-kill-me-okay? chapter. :D

So my awesome people, I love you all for staying with me so far even though I neglected this story for several days and may neglect this even more. Seriously, I freaking love you people, and no I'm not a creepy-stalker.

I just love easily. :)

**Review? **


	10. VICTIM 10: Mr D?

_50 ways to annoy a god, goddess and their kids_  
...HAS HIT TEN CHAPTERS! :)

* * *

**# 10. **  
(TRAVIS)

* * *

Travis was happy. Ecstatic, even.

He'd manage to annoy the hell out of various people just by beginning all his sentences with _"ohh la la!" _It was very amusing watching Chiron get angry, but was very dangerous staying near the enraged Chiron, so he left the horse-man stamping on what seemed to be some Apollo kids.

_Poor, Apollo kids._

Sadly, that tiny bit of happiness was killed when he saw his crush, Katie (not Kaleigh who is frequently called Katie), sitting alone by some random tree.

If he...if he were to ever utter that _in front of her_...he would die. "Oh...crraaaap."

One could say he was smitten with her, but who wouldn't be? She was _adorable _in his eyes, and very talkative (if you count scolding him as talkative).

In fact, she's trapped Travis at social gatherings at camp a few times, backing him into a corner and then standing at just the right angle so that he'd have to physically push her out of his path to escape.

Not that he minded. _Psh as if_. It was kind of hot.

HOWEVER, the fact that Katie's extremely passionate in scolding him into not pranking everyone with his brother and that other Katie and the fact that she can talk about these things for _hours without pause _was horrible.

The worst thing is she _excepts him to keep the conversation alive by adding his own little inputs or protests to whatever she says. _While he usually didn't mind about that in the past (he got to talk to her!) today was different - he didn't want her to hear him utter _"ohh la, la"_

..._EVER. _

He had to avoid her at all cost...therefore he started to walk around her, hoping that she wouldn't see him.

But was too late.

She saw him.

_Don't recognize me, don't reco..._He's quite sure that she's not quite sure if it's him yet, but he can feel her eyes focusing on him. He risked a glance to see if she's still watching...

...and then Travis accidentally locked eyes with her.

Once the eye contact was established, she began to lurch towards him in slow motion, like a zombie in a bad horror movie.

_No, no, no! _Travis is consumed by a desire to bolt, but he _can't. _Katie would think he didn't like her or _worse _- think that he hated her.

He has to annoy her. And he has to do it now. And has to pretend to like it.

To protect his prankster dignity.

* * *

**# 10. **  
(KALEIGH)

* * *

"I hate being sick." Kaleigh announced to no one in particular. She pumped a fist in the air and glared at the sick. "STUPID GOD OF SICKNESS!"

"Actually," the person on the other bed in the room said, "there is not God of Sickness. Not that I know of."

"Fine then," she said. "_Goddess _of Sickness, you suck major balls. _There_."

The fellow adjusted his glasses. "There isn't a Goddess of Sickness either..."

"Fuck you," she muttered. "Your dad was also the God of _Homosexuality_. HOW DO LIKE THEM APPLES?"

He coughed. "I'm not a homophobe, and there's nothing wrong with Apollo also being the God of Homosexuality."

"That could mean he's homo, you know."

"That's fine."

"He could, like, use his freaky Godly powers to stare at guys in a shower."

"Uh-huh."

"He could use his freaky Godly powers to stare at _you_ in the shower."

"He wouldn't do that."

"OH AND HOW ARE YOU SO SURE, CHAD?"

He frowned. "Kaleigh, it's been two-weeks since you've been here. I thought we'd established this already, my name is _Brad_."

"Listen, Chaddy, I can do whateva I want! SO SHUSH." Kaleigh sighed, attempting to keep up with her I'm-crazy-woo! façade. Inwardly though, she was going crazy (and not in the I'm-crazy-woo! crazy).

How the hell did this dude know her name? _No one _knew her name. Not even the gods. Or her mom, actually. Or her grandparents. She doubted her dog did either. Or her teachers. Or her mailman. Pity, she liked Bill the Mail-man.

"Chaaad!" she cried.

He sighed putting his book. "What, Kaleigh?"

"That's not my name!" She laughed at how she stated that. It sounded like that Tings Tings song. Wait, was that band called the Tings Tings? Eh, probably.

"So, what's your real name then?" Asked Brad.

"Sir Lurochera."

He blinked, looking up from his book to notice something on her face. "...okay, um, Sir Lurochera, what's on your face?"

"Honey."

"Ah." He set his book aside. "And why is honey on your face?"

She frowned. "GET OUT OF YOUR FUCKING TOWER AND STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'VE NEVER HAD HONEY ON YOUR FACE BEFORE!"

".._what?_"

"DON'T JUDGE ME!"

"Are you on your period or something?"

"What?"

"You know," Brad said. "When females bleed for five days straight without dropping dead."

The ignorant Never-had-her-period-yet and skipped-that-lesson-in-health-class, Kaleigh blinked. "Females can do that?" Then. "I want to go try it." She scattered off to some room in search of some pointing object.

_Clatter. _

_Crash. _

CRACK.

It was only after a few seconds of "OH FUPLE, CHAD YOU FUPLING LIAR! FUUUUPPLEEE I'M GONNA DIEE! I'M GONNA DIIIE! Haha, oh my gosh, so pretty! Hey kid, see that? It's my blood! MINE! HEE HEE!" did Brad realized what just happened.

* * *

**# 10. **  
(KAELIGH _AND_ TRAVIS)

* * *

_"What is wrong with you?" _Mr. D jabbed a finger in Kaleigh's direction. "Are you a masochist? Or perhaps just plain suicidal. Gods, I pray it's the latter. Anyway, do you realize how influential what you've been doing to the annoying brats? _Hmm?_ Chiron has be complaining none-stop about your crazy theories about how females can bleed five days without dropping dead? Do you know how bothersome that is?"

"But Chad said-"

_"Chad," _he hissed. "Was talking about _menstruation._ Surely you've heard of it." He scoffed when he saw confusion in her eyes. Whatever, he'd get someone to explain that to her some other time.

He turned to Travis.

"_And you!_ Slapping that girl in the face because she _talked _to you? What is _wrong _with you? You do not slap girls! _At all._ There are many other things to do with your hands to that girl, boy!"

Chiron gave an awkward cough ignoring Connor's mutter of "it was to protect her" clearly shocked by Mr. D's comment on how one should treat girls.

Sadly for him, it got worse after that.

Well, it_ was _his fault. Complaining to Mr. D all the time and all...

* * *

**# 10. **  
(CONNOR)

* * *

_I can't do this. _Connor thought to himself staring at the paper that described his job._ I _can't. _It's just so….ugh, shut up Connor, you HAVE TO. You want to be a legend, right? It's not gonna kill you! _

…

…

_Ugh. Yeah, it will. _He frowned. _JUST DO IT. C'MON. Okay, count it out. _

_One…_

He shoved the paper in his pocket.

_Two…_

He opened his cabin door.

_Three…_

He headed for the Ares cabin.

* * *

**To Be Continued.**  
**DUN, DUN, DAAAAAAAAA! **

* * *

Heeeeeeeeey.

Sorry for the long wait and craptastic chapter. (AND I LEFT YOU WITH A CLIFFY, too! Total bootch slap, I know.)

I think that having Enriched Science and Academic Math in one semester killed of my failed attempts at humour, making the failed attempts I make now even worse.

Heh.

At least I get to dissect frogs…!

I'll shut up now.

**Review? **


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